im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
