I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
