I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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