she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
