i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
