I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
