I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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