i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
