i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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