Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
