Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
