Only a mothe r could love this liver
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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