one two three fourrrrnication!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize