hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
