Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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