Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
