Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
