Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just invented taco cereal.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
