OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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