dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
