Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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