She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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