i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
