their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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