I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
