its not stalking. its research.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
