you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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