She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
