Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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