3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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