So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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