On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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