seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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