I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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