Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
