My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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