I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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