Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
