Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
