Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
