It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
