he wants to bone in the snuggie
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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