I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
