i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
