One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
