so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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