So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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