I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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