Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The air was thick with penises
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
