I cockslap morals
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
